00$- MONEYRAKER

MOONRAKER (1979)
dir: Lewis Gilbert

MAD #213, March 1980
w: Stan Hart
a: Harry North, Esq.

The previous James Bond film was promoted to cash in on the success of Jaws, even naming a character after him, and this next one was packaged to cash in on the success of Star Wars. It involves Bond (Roger Moore) sent to investigate the theft of the space shuttle Moonraker, only to find out its owner Hugo Drax (Michael Lonsdale) has more sinister plans. Drax's main henchman is Jaws (Richard Kiel) and his earlier henchman is Chang (Toshiro Suga).

The mini-episode before the credits involves Bond back from his previous mission. The plane is hijacked, the pilot escapes, and he's pushed out by Jaws. Falling without a chute, James Bond manages to take the one of the escaping pilot. Jaws attempts to chase Bond but his chute won't open and his life is saved by landing on a circus tent.

Bond goes to investigate the appearance of the Moonraker's shuttle and is given a tour of the Drax corporation. On his tour of the facilities, their scientist Dr. Goodhead (Lois Chiles) shows him their centrifugal test ride, which is sabotaged by Chang. That night, he beds Drax's assistant Corinne Dufour (Corinne Clery) to get the plans for the ship.

The next morning, Drax finds out Corinne has let Bond get the secrets and releases his hounds after her. Bond is riding by himself on a gondola in Venice and Drax has hired assassins to chase him down and kill him, he eludes the hitmen by revealing the gondola has wings allowing him to float on land. Bondhad discovered a vial earlier in a glass factory (not shown) and leaves it on a table while staying at the Drax complex. It's full of gas and breaks, killing the scientists working there. He later seduces Dr. Goodhead, knowing she is an undercover agent for the CIA. She knows he is also a secret agent and they decide to work together.

Chappaquidick was the name of an estate where the Kennedys had a party in the late sixties. Teddy drove a woman home, crashed into the ocean, and her drowning ruined his chances of ever becoming President

Bond is sent to Rio De Janiero to investigate the gas he discovered. It is secretly being manufactured by Drax's company there because that's where the orchid from which the gas is made grows. With the aid of their contact Manuela (Emily Bolton), he looks into it, Jaws attempts to kill him, but he is carried away by Carnival revelers. Jaws also makes an attempt on his life while he is riding a cable car with Dr. Goodhead.

Jaws falls off the cable car, lands below the controls, meets someone and falls in love with a woman who pulls him from the wreckage (Blanche Ravalec). Bond and Goodhead are taken away in an ambulance which is hijacked. He escapes an attempt on their life and ends up being chased through the Amazon, getting away on a parasail. Jaws eventually catches up to him and brings him to a lagoon, where he's attacked by a snake and kills it with the pen he was given at the beginning of the movie. The lagoon is part of Drax's laboratory where he comes out and reveals that he was the one to steal his own shuttle. His plan is to send that one shuttle into space with several ideal couples while using the gas he was developing to kill everyone on Earth, repopulate the species with the young couples, and create a Master Race.

Bond is then taken to headquarters where Goodhead has already been kidnaped. Using his hidden weapons, he is able to outsmart Drax and the rest of his crew, preventing Moonraker from launching. Jaws has a change of heart. They say it's because he's found love, but I think it's because he found out he won't be a part of this eugenics experiment. Bond and Goodhead have rescued Moonraker and the world's leaders have gathered to watch them return to Earth, but turn on the monitors and find them screwing.

Cover to British edition

And the German one

MOONWRECKER
Cracked #166, Januaru 1980
a: Sururi Gumen

The MAD parody didn't use the beginning of all James Bond movies with M (Bernard Lee), who always tells him what his latest mission is, and Q (Desmond Llewelyn), who provides the newest technology.

The MAD version also leaves out Chang's attempt to kill Bond while he's snooping around the glass museum in Venice. The Samurai was a recurring John Belushi character on Saturday Night Live.

From A Cracked Look at 007 by Mort Todd and John Severin, in Cracked #216, November 1985.

MOONROCKER
Crazy #59, February 1980
a: Murad Gumen

The henchmen is named Chang, even though they take off on the name Oddjob.

Skylab was a U.S. space station in the seventies that disintegrated when it landed back in the Earth's orbit and pieces landed on Earth.