A-Z GUIDE TO MOVIES AND TV SHOWS PARODIED BY MAD, CRACKED, CRAZY, ETC. UP TO 1996. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. SPOILERS AND OTHER NON-SEQUITURS, TOO. SOMETIMES THESE THINGS HAVE WORDS OR SITUATIONS WE DON'T USE ANYMORE. YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THEY'RE OLD.
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THE UNWATCHABLES
MAD #276, January 1988
w: Arnie Kogen
a: Angelo Torres
Loosely based on the TV series of the same name, which was loosely based on the true story of Al Capone, though unlike the TV series the movie goes back to the beginning and ended with Capone.
Al Capone (Robert DeNiro) is talking to the press about being an “executive” in Chicago while being waited on, telling how selling liquor during the prohibition is just giving the people what they want. Elliot Ness (Kevin Costner) is starting his first day on the job as a treasury agent, being seen off to work by his adoring wife (Patricia Clarkson). He pledges to be virtuous and becomes the laughingstock of his office when his first bust turns out to be a bust. Dejected and on a bridge he's almost arrested for littering and possessing a gun, until telling the cop, Malone (Sean Connery) that he's a treasury agent. Ness later visits Malone to help assemble a group to help bust Al Capone.
The scene of raiding Capone's warehouse only to find crates full of umbrellas mirrors a special later where Geraldo hyped opening Al Capone's vault live on national television only to reveal it was empty.
Malone is reluctant at first but finally gives in. Oscar Wallace (Charles Martin Smith) is an accountant looking at Capone's financial records and figures Capone can be nailed for income tax evasion if only Capone can by linked to any of his businesses. Ness and Malone need another gunman for their group and recruit George Stone (Andy Garcia) from the police academy.
There are all kinds of references to movies that featured Connery and DeNiro throughout. Never Say Never Again was Sean Connery's attempt at making a comeback as James Bond. There must have been some Taxi Driver joke in the last panel but they forgot to paste in the caption. The last panel also has Robert Stack, Elliott Ness in the TV series.
Al Capone vows revenge after reading about Elliott Ness and his men (scenes are taken out of order here). At a board meeting, he gives a speech comparing the teamwork of his syndicate to that of a baseball team. A team needs get rid of the dead weight which he demonstrates by clubbing their weakest link to death with a bat (see clip below). Ness forms a raid on the men who are smuggling liquor in from the Canadian border with the help of their Mounties. They all fight, Stone is shot in the melee, and that makes Wallace really mad. They catch Capone's bookkeeper and get him to become witness, but he and Wallace are killed in an elevator right before the trial.
Ness confronts Capone at the opera house because it's become personal and wants to fight man-to-man without bodyguards (The friend that he says was killed was Malone, who's holding him back in this parody. Al Capone's hitman Frank Nitti [Billy Drago] figures a lot more in the film and is responsible for almost all deaths, but is only drawn here). Another of Capone's bookkeepers (Jack Kehoe), who is about to turn witness, but is placed under protective custody by Capone. Malone has just been murdered and his last dying words are that he knows the bookkeeper will be at the train station. While Ness is looking out for him, he sees a woman struggling with bringing a baby carriage up the stairs and helps her, and while trying to balance a shootout and helping her at the same time, loses control of the carriage which is stopped in the nick of time, in a scene lifted from Battleship Potemkin. While Capone is on trial, Ness finds out everyone is on the take including the judge, and blackmails him with that knowledge.
From Recasting Famous Old Movies With Today's Famous Wrestlers by John Prete (John Ficarra) and Sam Viviano.
UNTOUCHY BULLS
Cracked #233, January 1988
w: Mort Todd
a: John Severin
At the beginning, a store that refuses to pay protection is blown up by Frank Nitti, with a girl inside the store. Dan Aykroyd was in Dragnet '87 that year, playing the role originated by Jack Webb.
A Chicago alderman (Del Close) attempts to bribe Elliott Ness and his staff. When Ness comes home one night, Frank Nitti is outside threatening his family.
During the trial, Frank Nitti hands Al Capone a note telling him Malone has been killed and the jury has been bribed. Elliott Ness sees this, knows Nitti is about to open fire, but can't get the bailiff to confiscate the gun because Nitti has a note with permission to carry it from the mayor. Nitti realized he's cornered and runs away. This leads to a fight on the rooftop.
Capone's lawyer is portrayed by Raymond Burr as Perry Mason in this.
TRADING RACES
MAD #246, April 1984
w: Stan Hart
a: Mort Drucker
Louis Winthorpe III (Dan Aykroyd) is the pampered director at the Duke and Duke brokerage firm, living in a townhouse waited on by his butler Coleman (Denholm Elliott). Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) is a lowly street hustler. He bumps into Louis one day, Louis thinks he's being robbed, and Louis' bosses Randolph (Ralph Bellamy) and Mortimer Duke (Don Ameche) see this and decide to conduct a wager—switch the lives of the two of them and observe the results. This begins a campaign to set up Louis Winthorpe into a spiral of decline. Billy Ray, meanwhile, is being groomed to be his successor.
More than likely a subversion of the watermelon and fried chicken trope in the next to last panel, especially considering they avoided Aykroyd in blackface later on, though I can't figure out the meta-joke. Boy, were we racist forty years ago.
Louis Winthorpe is framed for dealing drugs, shunned by society, and his engagement is broken off. At the police station, he meets Ophelia (Jamie Lee Curtis), a prostitute, and moves in with her having nowhere to go. Billy Ray overhears the Duke Brothers (not to be confused with Them Duke Boys) talking about their bet while in the bathroom and plots revenge, bringing Louis and Ophelia in on the plot.
Billy Ray is aware that the firm has obtained information about orange crops from the government. A Duke employee is bringing that information in a suitcase on a train and the plot involves secretly switching it with a forgery so the brothers will get the wrong information, sell their stocks, and lose all their money. Louis, Billy Ray, Ophelia, and Coleman go on the train in disguise, and they, with the proper information, are able to buy up all the stocks and become rich.
There's a parody of Risky Business after this, which is what Siskel and Ebert are talking about.
From Recasting Old Movies with Today's Famous Wrestlers by John Prete (John Ficarra) and Sam Viviano, from #285, March 1989.
RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II (1985)
dir: George P. Cosmatos
DUMBO: MORE BLOOD PART II
MAD #259, December 1985
w: Dick DeBartolo
a: Mort Drucker
Not the greatest moment for two of my all-time cartoonists to endorsing our use of troops in Nicaragua in the mid-eighties, which turned out to maybe not have been such a good idea when looking back on it in history.
Sequel to the earlier First Blood about former Green Beret John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone). We begin where that left off, where he is let out of a prison camp and back into the army by Col. Sam Trautman (Richard Crenna). His mission, under the command of Major Marshall Roger Murdock (Charles Napier), is to Thailand and photograph proof of missing Prisoners of War from Vietnam, and any that do exist are to be retrieved by soldiers. After landing, he meets agent Co Phung Bao (Julia Nickson).
Against orders, Rambo frees the P.O.W.s and is abandoned by the army. Murdock never intended to complete the mission, because he didn't intend for Rambo to actually find any missing troops, and orders it shut down. Rambo is kidnaped by Russian officers, and tortured by Sgt. Yushin (Vojislav Govedarica).
Rambo, with the aide of Co, overpowers the Russians and he vows to get back at the Americans that did him wrong. He and Co fall in love and he promises to bring her back with him. The Vietnamese go after Rambo, killing Co, and he escapes in one of their helicopters.
Rambo single-handedly overpowers the Russians and Vietnamese, hijacking their helicopter, shooting soldiers with explosive-tipped arrows, and bringing P.O.W.s home. He almost kills Murdock for sabotaging the mission and he knows there are more P.O.W.s out there, demanding Murdock have them rescued as well. Rambo's promised a medal by Trautmann but all he wants is for our country to love the troops as much as they love our country. Then he walks off and says he'll live life day by day.
Staying Alive was a film Stallone directed and Lords of Flatbushwas his first film.
The movie and image were popular enough that MAD kept using it, like with these two articles that were both in the same issue.
WHEN THE RAMBO INFLUENCE SPREADS EVERYWHERE
MAD #264, July 1986
w: Lou Silverstone and J. Prete (John Ficarra)
a: Angelo Torres
The politician, George H. W. Bush, had not been president yet. The game show host, Bob Barker, has his hair parted on the wrong side.
MAD'S WRESTLING PROMOTER OF THE YEAR
MAD #264, July 1986
w: Lou Silverstone
a: Mort Drucker
MAD usually had a [...] Of the Year profile where the interviewee was the latest celebrity. That issue's article about Vincent McMahon had Sylvester Stallone interviewing him in his Rambo garb.
Captain Lou Albano was known for his professional relationship with Cyndi Lauper.
Capt. Lou Albano, Sgt. Slaughter, and Fred Blassie are portrayed here.
Rowdy Roddy Piper is the opponent of Hulk Hogan. Gloria Steinem, Geraldine Ferraro, and Jackie Onassis are in the audience.
RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II
Cracked #217, January 1986
a: Kent Gamble
(When this was reprinted a few years later, they changed the name to lampoon it, calling it Rambozo: Worst Blood Part II)
The Charles Napier caricature looks more like a combination of Alexander Haig and Jack Palance.
Another of the Russian troops not used in the MAD parody is Lt. Col. Podovsky (Steven Berkoff)
This was the inside front and back cover for #219, a couple issues later.
MAD #300, January 1991
w: Arnie Kogen
a: Mort Drucker
Part of their 300th anniversary issue, where instead of parodying current movies, they did several of what were considered the most famous movies of all time.
Rick (Humphrey Bogart) owns a casino and bar in Casablanca during the beginning of World War II. People from all sides come into his club and he turns and blind eye when people commit questionable activities there, such as Signor Ferreari (Sydney Greenstreet).
Ugarte (Peter Lorre) has come into the club with passports that he has stolen and plans to sell. They would allow anyone who owned them to travel freely throughout Europe. He has asked Rick to hold on to them before his contract comes, but is arrested before that can happen.
Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) enters Rick's place with her husband Victor Lazlo (Paul Henreid), a Czech resistance fighter. They were the ones to have gotten the passports so he can continue his work in America. She notices Sam (Dooley Wilson), a person for her past, is there and asks him to play “As Time Goes By” for her. Rick hears this, and having asked before that it never be played again, sees she is in the bar now.
After the bar closes and everyone leaves, Rick drowns his sorrows and requests the song (with the most famous and most misquoted lines in all moviedom) and we find out why it was so special. Flashback to better times. Rick and Ilsa were lovers in the past and once lived in Paris.
When news hits that the Germans are invading Paris, they decide to meet at the train station that night. When they do, he gets a note from her saying she can't come with him and can't explain exactly why.
Strasse (Conrad Veidt), who was sent by Germany to make sure Lazlo doesn't get the tickets, starts singing the German anthem in the bar. It is drowned out by the French, using the house band to play La Marsellaise. Renault (Claude Rains), a corrupt police officer, closes the bar on the pretense that there is illegal gambling in the club.
After the place is evacuated, Ilsa confronts Rick about the tickets. He still refuses to hand them over until she pulls out a gun. She can't go through with shooting him because she's still in love with him. Back when they were in Paris, she was still married to Victor but thought he was dead. At the last minute, she found out he was still alive.
Knowing this he has a change of heart, deciding to help Lazlo with his work for the Resistance, and making her think she will stay with him and they will continue their life together.
Rick arranges to have Lazlo released with the aid of Renault in exchange for setting him up with possession of the tickets. At the last minute, Rick does a switcheroo on all of them in one of the all-time most famous movie endings.
It then ends open-endedly, with Renault suggesting the two of them leave Casablanca and join the Resistance themselves.
from MAD #285, March 1989 Recasting Old Movies With Today's Famous Wrestlers by J. Prete (John Ficarra) and Sam Viviano.
BIGGIE
MAD #284, January 1989
w: Arnie Kogen
a: Mort Drucker
Josh Baskin (Tom Hanks) is a pre-teen trying to impress Cynthia (Kimberlee M. Davis) with his ability to tolerate an amusement park ride. He finds out she has an older boyfriend and to add insult to injury is to short for the ride. He goes to a wish machine wishing to be big so he can impress Cynthia, and that's how the movie starts.
(There was obviously some gag meant for the street signs and captions meant for those people in the background that weren't filled in for the deadline. “Height Report” was a pun on The Hite Report, a sex survey from a few years earlier. People being turned away from the roller coaster are Danny DeVito, Herve Villechaise, and Gary Coleman).
Josh wakes up inside the body of Tom Hanks. His mother doesn't believe it's him and he eventually convinces his best friend Billy (Jared Rushton).
(The issue of MAD here was from a cover earlier that year and probably the current one while this was being drawn).
His friend suggests he move to the city and find a job while they track down the company that made the wish machine so he can turn back into a boy.
Josh gets a job at the MacMillan Toy company and Billy stays with him when he's not in school. They live in a sleazy Times Square hotel. The owner of the hotel, played by Rockets Redglare, doesn't look anything like this but does have a gap in his teeth.
(52nd St. and Madison Ave. was where the MAD offices were located. Maybe Koch was a reference to Mayor Ed Koch and the 22 was a play on the phrase “Catch-22”? Anyone know?)
During a trip to F.A.O. Schwarz (tourist toy store), he runs into his boss (Robert Loggia) and they bond over a life-size player piano in the scene most people know.
Susan (Elizabeth Perkins) and her boyfriend (John Heard) can't figure out why the boss has taken a liking to Josh and promoted him. They think his acting like a child is some kind of power grab.
Josh shows up at a company party in a rhinestone cowboy tuxedo and Susan is intrigued by his childlike behavior and ends up going home with him. She finds him refreshing and they begin dating. Billy has found the machine that can turn him back but he's now fully committed to being an adult and become a workaholic.
(They always had in-jokes around this time of editor Nick Meglin playing tennis. Why they would have him here when there was a scene that took place while they were playing racquetball, I don't know.)
They used the movie an issue later, in an article called Recasting Old Movies with Today's Famous Wrestlers by John Prete (John Ficarra) and Sam Viviano. It took only one month for the movie to be considered old.
PIG
Cracked #241, December 1988
w: Tony Frank (Lou Silverstone)
a: Rob Orzechowski
Not much to say here, since it covers all the same bases as the MAD parody. Though the movie doesn't begin at the school.
I still want a Don Martin T-shirt.
Another potshot at MAD publisher William Gaines.
I don't recognize any of the fathers except for Bill Cosby, but that probably has to do more with the drawing style as much as it has to do with knowledge of 80s TV. Bill Cosby alone with children has a different connotation now.
