A-Z GUIDE TO MOVIES AND TV SHOWS PARODIED BY MAD, CRACKED, CRAZY, ETC. UP TO 1996. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. SPOILERS AND OTHER NON-SEQUITURS, TOO. SOMETIMES THESE THINGS HAVE WORDS OR SITUATIONS WE DON'T USE ANYMORE. YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THEY'RE OLD.
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ECCCH-MEN
MAD #327, May 1994
w: Dick DeBartolo
a: Sam Viviano
MAD rarely did parodies of Saturday Morning cartoons, but I guess this was one of the cases where they made an exception. X-Men has existed in many forms since, but before the movies, this cartoon based on the comic was the only other one. The main pupils of Charles Xavier's School for the Gifted were Storm, Jubilee, Cyclops, Wolverine, Rogue, Gambit, and Beast, led by Charles Xavier a/k/a Professor X. The students were selected as “gifted children” but are mutants with special powers. The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants is led by Magneto, Professor X's longtime frenemy. Other enemies are the Sentinels and Morph.
Beast is drawn here as one of Maurice Sendak's Wild Things. Sam Viviano and Dick DeBartolo are in the lower right corner of this splash page, as are MAD staffers Charlie Kadau, Nick Meglin, John Ficarra, and Len Brenner.
Jean Grey/Phoenix was another of the X-Men.
And this was a parody of the earlier comic from the sixties.
THE ECHHS-MEN
Not Brand Ecch #8, June 1968
w: Gary Friedrich
a: Tom Sutton
Jean Grey was originally Marvel Girl, Beast didn't have hair, and other members were The Angel and Iceman. They practiced their powers in the danger room at the academy.
Forbush-Man is a parody of Peter Parker, always desperate to join some superhero group.
Toad was one of the original members of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. Quicksiver was a former mutant on the good side who joined the Avengers.
Magneto wore a helmet to shield his magnetic powers. Scarlet Witch was Quicksilver's sister who also became an Avenger.
MMMS was the Merry Marvel Marching Society, a fan club for readers.
UN-TRUE SPIES
MAD #333, January 1995
w: Stan Hart
a: Tomas Bunk
In True Lies, Harry Trasker (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a spy for Omega Sector but as a cover he tells his his wife Helen (Jamie Lee Curtis) that he's a computer salesman. He comes home late from another mission as usual.
Tonya Harding an Olympic skater in 1992. She had friends kneecap her rival Nancy Kerrigan. Tom Arnold had just ended his marriage to Roseanne. Suzanne Powter was a fly-by-night celebriy in the nineties with her “Stop the Insanity” infomercials recommending a healthy diet.
As part of Harry's mission, he is to steal the code of a billionaire at a party in Switzerland, who's funding a terrorist cause called the Crimson Jihad. His partners “Gib” Gibson (Tom Arnold) and Faisil (Grant Heslov) are waiting for him in a van outside. At the party he is seduced by another spy, Juno Skinner (Tia Carrere), posing as an art dealer, At home, when Gib comes to pick Harry up for the day presumably as a computer salesman, he secretly shows a gadget that's a pack of cigarettes with a camera inside connected to a pair of sunglasses. Harry puts them on and sees his daughter Dana (Eliza Dushku) stealing from his wallet but he can't do anything because he'll blow his cover.
Harry and Gib are given intel by their boss (Charlton Heston) for their latest mission. That night he chases Crimson Jihad leader Salim Aziz (Art Malik) through a hotel bathroom and throughout the hotel on a police horse while Salim rides a motorcycle, chasing him off a rooftop.
Harry comes home late again and tries to make up for it by visiting Helen at her job, but doesn't get past her cubicle when he overhears her talking to a guy named Simon. Putting two and two together, he realizes she's having an affair. He goes back to Gib moping about it, Gib agrees to track them down at their secret rendezvous. Simon (Bill Paxton) tells her that he's a spy, when he's really just a car salesman. He takes he to his trailer, they find her and kidnap her, and bring her to secret quarters with a double mirror and interrogate her with voice modulators. Harry and Gib, behind the mirror, tell her they'll grant her immunity if she'll agree to become a spy. Her mission is to dress as a prostitute and place a microphone in a suspect's hotel room, the endgame is for Harry to reveal himself to “teach her a lesson”. At the hotel, Helen makes herself look trashier before going to what she thinks is the suspect's room.
Helen beats Harry and almost runs away before he can reveal himself, but before either can leave they're both captured by the Crimson Jihad, and Harry has to confess who he really is before being injected by a truth serum. They're tied up and chased by the terrorists, Helen tries to shoot them, but panics and drops the machine gun, which falls down stairs setting off bullets which end up shooting them all. Helen is kidnapped by Juno and saved by Harry in a helicopter before the limo where she's being held hostage falls off a bridge.
It was believed by many, including Democrats, that Hillary Clinton was the real puppetmaster behind the Democratic party then. Thirty years later and some people think she still pulls the strings.
Harry steals a plane to save Dana, who is being held hostage. The movie never explains how the terrorists knew who she was. The nuclear bomb the Crimson Jihad was going to use to blow up the coast of Florida is presumably dumped into the ocean. They don't explain that either. The movie ends a year later where both Harry and Helen are spies and tango like the Addamses.
TRUE SPIES
Cracked #295, December 1994
a: Walter Brogan
Ford Pintos were recalled in the late 70s and early 80s because they exploded on impact. David Koresh was a cult leader who holed up in his compound in Waco before being found by the FBI
THE SANTA CLOD
Cracked #298, May 1995
w: Andy Simmons
a: John Severin
I was saving this for Christmas then my computer was broken on Christmas then after everything was fixed I had this new backlog and I'm trying to do things alphabetically and blah blah blah, but here it is.
A family film that became a whole franchise. It's about Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) who sees Santa fall off his roof and then disappear. He sees a note to put on the suit and continue the work and thinks it's a one-time thing, but not realizing the fine print in the note says that he's legally bound to continue as Santa Claus.
Scott is divorced from his wife and shares custody of his son Charles. Charles' stepfather Neil (Judge Reinhold) thinks he's ready to outgrow Santa, but continues to believe in him once the father continues as Santa.
Scott's magically stretched when chimneys are too small and his bag of toys is replenished for each job. He overcomes obstacles in each home and everything is taken care of for him. He thinks he's done and will go back home but it taken to headquarters at the North Pole where the head elf (David Krumhholz) gives him instructions for the next year.
Scott finds himself turning more and more into Santa Claus. Charles knows the transformation is real, but his mother (Wendy Crewson) and stepfather think Scott is taking the delusion too far and take custody of Charles. Scott has kidnapped Charles and have sent the police out to look for them.
Scott/Santa is caught and arrested, but elves rescue him so he can continue his work and everyone believes in him again.
COME BACK, LITTLE STREETCAR!
Panic #2, April/May 1954
w: Al Feldstein
a: Jack Davis
Combination of several plays that became dramas, particularly A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams, Come Back, Little Sheba by William Inge, and Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller.
THE BLOB (1958)
dir: Irvin Yeaworth
ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT WOMAN (1958)
dir: Nathan Hertz
THE TALKING BLOB
Cracked #149, March 1978
a: John Severin
This was their parody of youth horror movies. The first use of Cracked's attempt at making the Talking Blob a recurring character. The original film also starred Steve McQueen, who's caricatured here.
Also an homage to Saturday Night Live's Land Shark sketches.
THE STAR TREK SAGA
MAD Star Trek Special, Holiday 1994
w: Frank Jacobs
a: Sergio Aragones
The cover promised a new Star Trek: Generations spoof. This must mean what they meant. All seven movies and four TV series were parodied last month, no need to go into them now.
TALES FROM THE DARK SIDE: THE MOVIE (1990)
dir: John Harrison
TALES FROM THE DORK SIDE
Cracked Monster Party #24, Summer 1994
a: Walter Brogan
Another film that came and went and wasn't even that memorable when it came out, but I guess Cracked parodied because they had a spinoff magazine and needed content. Cracked Monster Party was all horror content that consisted of half new material and half reprints.
This was an anthology based on the TV series of the same name. Its framing story was that a woman (Debbie Harry) had a kid locked up in a dungeon in her kitchen that she was ready to eat that evening, and he begged to be let go if he could read her stories from a book he had.
In the first story, a student, Bellingham (Steve Buscemi) has a mummy in the house that he is using for a school project, disgusting his roommate (Christian Slater).
The mummy comes to life, killing his roommate's friend and sister (Julianne Moore). The roomate ties Bellingham up and tortures him by dismembering the mummy in front of him.
In the second story, a rich man hires a hitman (David Johnansen) to kill his cat. The rich man got that way by developing a pharmaceutical that he tested on other cats, and believes this cat is out to seek revenge. The hitman tries to get the cat but keeps failing. The story ends with the cat climbing into the hitman's mouth.
The last story involves a failed artist (James Remar) coming home from a bar and being attacked by a gargoyle. The gargoyle tells him not to tell anyone of what happened and he forgets about it. The artist goes home and meets a woman (Rae Dawn Chong). She knows someone that runs a gallery, and he becomes successful. They fall in love and marry, years later he confides in her that the night they met he saw a gargoyle. She turns out to be that gargoyle, awakened now that the artist has told someone about it.
MEAT FIGHTER
Cracked #297, March 1995
a: John Severin
Street Fighter was a series of video games first. The movie here is being covered by Entertainment Tonight, which was hosted by Mary Hart, and this segment is coverered by John Tesh,
The movie takes place in the nation of Shadaloo, during a civil war between General Bison (Raul Julia) and William Guile (Jean-Claude Van Damme). Two of Bison's henchmen are Sagat (Wes Studi) and Dr, Dhalsim (Roshan Seth). Ryu (Byron Mann) and Ken (Damian Chapa) are conmen on who have been jailed and joined Guile's side in exchange for their freedom. Also on his side are Balrog (Grand L. Bush), reporter Chun-Li (Ming-Na Wen), and his assistant Lt.Cammy White (Kylie Minogue).
Blanka (Robert Mammone) is another of the Street Fighters)
