A-Z GUIDE TO MOVIES AND TV SHOWS PARODIED BY MAD, CRACKED, CRAZY, ETC. UP TO 1996. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. SPOILERS AND OTHER NON-SEQUITURS, TOO. SOMETIMES THESE THINGS HAVE WORDS OR SITUATIONS WE DON'T USE ANYMORE. YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THEY'RE OLD.
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STUPORMAN ZZZ
MAD #243, December 1983
w: Stan Hart
a: Mort Drucker
In a series of movies, one is usually the comedy. This was theirs, and it was made clear at the beginning as the movie opened with a series of sight gags. A series of disasters ends with Superman (Christopher Reeve) saving a drowning victim. Meanwhile, Gus Gorman (Richard Pryor) finds himself no longer eligible for unemployment benefits, and takes a job as a computer programmer.
Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) only appears at the beginning and end.
At the Daily Planet, Clark Kent pitches an article to his boss (Jackie Cooper) about attending his high school reunion. On his way to his hometown, he spots a chemical fire on a bus, He gets off and turns into Superman, putting out the fire by freezing a nearby lake, picking it up, and throwingit over the burning factory. At Websco, where Gus Gorman works, he's figured out a way to program his computer so it takes a fraction of a cent from everyone else's salary, gives it to himself. and it adds up to thousands of dollars. He's caught and called in by the owner of Websco, Ross Webster (Robert Vaughn). Instead of being fired, Mr. Webster wants Gus to using his programming genius to help with other schemes. Clark is now at his high school reunion and reunited with Lana Lang (Annette O'Toole).
Ross has Gus control the weather in Colombia so he can coner the coffee market. In Smallville, Clark and Lana's hometown, they are having a picnic which is soon interrupted when Clark sense's Lana's son is in a field somewhere in trouble, and Clark must rush off to turn into Superman and rescue him. Ross wants to control the oil market next, but Gus informs him he can't because Superman will avert all natural disasters. They find a way to recreate Kryponite to hopefully kill him. Gus' formula doesn't quite duplicate it, but is enough to weaken him. At a rally for Superman in Smallville, Gus shows up posing as a general and presents Superman with a gift, which is this Kryponite.
The new Superman doesn't care about anything anymore, gets horny and goes on a drunken rampage. Gus will only help Ross further on the condition he gets an ultimate computer that can do anything. As part of Ross' plan for world domination, he uses his girlfriend Lorelei (Pamela Stephenson) to seduce Superman.
Superman and Clark Kent fight it out in a junkyard in a sympolic fight over good versus evil. Ross has built the super-computer at the bottom of the Grand Canyon and lured Superman into his trap.
James Watt was the Secretary of the Interior under Reagan.
With the super-computer, Ross sets off missiles, tries to destroy Superman with Kryptonite, then it gets a life of its own and eats up the entire power grid of the United States. Gus sabotages it, saving Superman from death. Realizing Gus was really a patsy this whole time, Superman brings him to a coal mine and gets him a job there. He then returns to work as Clark Kent, where Lana Lang works after moving to Metropolis.
The joke on Richard Pryor's button is about his coke problem, which led to him disappearing from the public for a year after an accident where he lit himself on fire while freebasing and ran into the streets of Los Angeles.
Two scenes that werent in MAD's main parody:
-Gus is fooling around on his boss' faux swiss chalet rooftop and falls off into the streets.
-During Superman's drunken rampage, he breaks an oil tanker open, then when he becomes good again, he seals it back up.
Cover of Panic. There were lots of things called Panic, this was the German humor magazine.
REHASH OF THE JETI
MAD #242, October 1983
w: Dick DeBartolo
a: Mort Drucker
Apparently 5/4 is a big holiday in Star Wars-land. Get it? May fourth. As in “May fourth be with you”.
Which is why I moved this parody a few days to today.
I posted this cover before a couple years ago when I posted parodies of The A-Team (link on right), but I'm just following MAD's tradition of reprinting things a few years later.
The image of Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) in a bikini came from this, and would be a big thing on nerd porn if such a thing actually existed, and we all know it doesn't. Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew), Darth Vader (David Prowse/James Earl Jones), C-3PO (Anthony Daniels), R2D2 (Kenny Baker), Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), Yoda (Frank Oz), and Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) are all also back. The Muppets in the splash panel could be a refernce to Frank Oz, the Ewoks, or both.
The Death Star is being reconstructed while the Empire is working to eliminate the Rebel Alliance. C3P0 and R2D2 have been sent to rescue Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt, finding out through holo-message that they have been traded for him. Leia, disguised as a bounty hunter under the pretense of capturing Chewbacca, attempts to unfreeze Han.
The jar cropped in the third panel presumably says “may the sauce be with you”
Luke arrives in person to settle the whole thing, but is fed to a Rancor, which he fights and kills. Everyone is caught and as punishment, thrown to the Sarlac, a beast that has melded with the floor of the desert. Except for Leia, who becomes Jabba's concubine, where she's in a bikini, the image of which would be used in this non-existent nerd porn.
As they are lowered into the pit, Luke saves them all with a light saber that was hidden inside R2D2. Luke goes to Dagobah for his final lessons in Jedi training with Yoda. Yoda is dying but confirms that Darth Vader really is Luke's father, and he must face Vader again to defeat the Empire. The ghost of Obi-Wan (Alec Guiness) confronts Luke and tells him Leia is Luke's twin sister. Meanwhile, the Alliance has decided to get back at the Empire before they can construct a second Death Star.
As a battle plan is conceived with them all meeting on the moon of Endor. Leia, separated from them, is rescued by Ewoks. The others are kidnapped by other Ewoks. C3PO speaks their language but the Ewoks don't realize they're on the same side until...
...they think C3PO is a god. Luke reveals to Leia that they are siblings and he goes to the new Death Star to fight Darth Vader in front of the Emperor (Ian McDiarmid) who is trying to get Luke to join them on the dark side.
Luke defeats his father, Darth Vader, by cutting off his hand with a light saber. The Emperor still wants Luke to cross over and is electrocuting him to try and get him to. This is too much for Vader, who throws the Emperor down a reactor. Back on the moon of Endor, the Rebel Alliance attacks the Empire's Imperial forces and (not shown) they are attacked by Ewoks who come at them by surprise with only sticks and stones.
As Darth Vader's dying wish, he asks Luke to take off his mask. The battle against the Empire is won and the Death Star is destroyed once and for all. Han promises Leia he won't cockblock her and Luke but she says their courtship will never happen now that they're brother and sister, and he can have her now. Then everybody parties.
Here's what Luke had to say about the parody.
And what Don Martin had to say.
Here was the cover to the Swedish edition. Mr. T. must not have been known well enough there yet. I pity those fools. The joke's on them. I don't know who this guy is either. Looks a bit like Sean Connery, but with helmet hair. Jesse Ventura? G. Gordon Liddy? I'm gonna go with some Swedish guy.
This was Cracked's take.
RETURNS OF THE JED EYE
Cracked #198, November 1983
a: John Severin
A couple issues later, in #200, they did an article on George Lucas.
This was the cover for the German humor magazine Panic.
And the German humor magazine Stupid. The guy with the beer bottle looks like Sean Hannity, even though I know it's not.
