A-Z GUIDE TO MOVIES AND TV SHOWS PARODIED BY MAD, CRACKED, CRAZY, ETC. UP TO 1996. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. SPOILERS AND OTHER NON-SEQUITURS, TOO. SOMETIMES THESE THINGS HAVE WORDS OR SITUATIONS WE DON'T USE ANYMORE. YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THEY'RE OLD.
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WHITE MEN CAN'T DUNK
Cracked #274, September 1992
w: Link Pershad (anagram?)
a: Walter Brogan
Sports comedy about Billy Hoyle (Woody Harrelson), a former college basketball player who is constantly beating streetballers fooling them by pretending to be a country bumpkin. One of his regular opponents is Sidney Deane (Wesley Snipes).
Stan Mikita's Donuts is a reference to a fictional chain from Wayne's World named for a hockey player.
After a day of his making them think he isn't a good player because he's white and everyone calling each other names to psych each other out, Billy goes back to the hotel where he lives with his girlfriend Gloria (Rosie Perez) because they are on the run from someone he owes a gambling debt to. She's boning up on facts from The World Almanac in hopes of getting on Jeopardy. Sidney comes to made a proposal. They would con other street players for money and win every time by Sidney picking Billy as a partner, and other players thinking he's incompetent but not realizing he's a ringer. Billy realizes he can pay off his gambling debt this way.
It turns out Sidney set Billy up. After a few winnings, Sidney deliberately plays badly and loses for them, and the opposition were his friends who later turned what they won over to him. Gloria finds out about this, is upset, and tells Sidney's wife Rhonda (Tyra Ferrell). The women will forgive the men if the men make up and team up for a two-on-two tournament, for which the prize is $5,000.
They win the tournament but Sidney still thinks white men can't jump (he said the title! Drink!) and bet on that, and Billy loses. Gloria is upset that he squandered his share of the money, but makes up for it by getting her on Jeopardy.
Sidney's apartment is burglarized and he needs to get money. A game is coming up against two of L.A.'s biggest players, he known he can win with his and Billy's athletic prowess, but Gloria insists Billy give up gambling and get a real job, but he disobeys her to play anyway. He and Sidney win, he pays off all her debts, she leaves him for betraying her, and Billy and Sidney continue playing streetball as partners.
There are caricatures of Joe Pesci, Jason Priestley, and Luke Perry
WAYNE'S HURLED
Cracked #273, August 1992
w: Lou Silverstone
a: John Severin
Based on the recurring Ssturday Night Live sketch about two teenagers in Aurora, Illinois, Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers) and Garth Algar (Dana Carvey) who broadcast a public access show from Wayne's basement.
Benjamin Kane (Rob Lowe) is a TV producer who is in bed one night with his girlfriend (Ione Skye) and while flipping through channels come across Wayne's World, which she is a fan of. He thinks how he can buy it. Wayne and Garth finish their show and hang out at the donut shop and Wayne keeps running into his ex-girlfriend Stacey (Lara Flynn Boyle) who still carries a torch for him. Later, Wayne and his friends hang out at the gasworks and he falls in love with singer Cassandra Wong (Tia Carrere)
Wayne learns Cantonese to get with Cassandra. Meanwhile Benjamin woos Noah Vanderhof (Brian Doyle-Murray), an arcade owner, as sponsor for Wayne's World, even though he hasn't even bought the rights to the show or even talked to Wayne. He eventually buys the show, gets them a set at the television studio that looks exactly like his basement, tells them to read off cue cards, but doesn't tell them the show's sponsored by the arcade.
Wayne gets around being told to read from the index cards while interviewing Noah by writing smug comments about him that only the audience can see but Noah can't. He's reprimanded for it, quits, has a falling out with Garth, then makes up.
Wayne and Garth find out from a security guard at a concert that a record executive is coming into town and figure out a way to cut into the sattelite feed in his limo. Wayne's plan is to get Cassandra on his show but to do that he has to get her back from a richer and better-read Benjamin who's seduced her and promised to make a music video. The movie has several different meta-endings where things work out both wrong and right for everyone.
Bill and Ted had movies around the same time, thus the ending here. I'm not sure what the Fred Flintstone reference is. Time travel, maybe? Alice Cooper had a bit part in Wayne's World.
BRUCE WAIN'S WORLD
Cracked #288, March 1994
w: Lou Silverstone
a: John Severin
Val Kilmer was also Batman in two movies. Some of these villains are based one real ones, some aren't.
The Riddler (Jim Carrey), The Joker (Jack Nicholson), Catwoman (Michelle Pfeiffer), and Penguin (Danny DeVito) were the main Batman villains.
MAD Australia #316, January 1993
w & a: Steve Lopes
Luc Deveraux (Jean-Claude Van Damme) was a soldier in Vietnam in 1969 who disobeyed the orders of his commanding officer Andrew Scott (Dolph Lundgren), who became psychotic and demanded Luc shoot an innocent couple. During the scuffle, they kill each other, and in the current time of 1992 are re-animated into the perfect soldiers ala Robocop, under the supervision of Col Perry (Ed O'Ross). They have been deployed to handle a hostage situation, which is being covered by TV reporter Victoria Roberts (Ally Walker).
Luc has a clue about who he was and Victoria knows too much, so she's run away to escape the robo-soldiers who are now after her, with Luc also being chased and not far behind. Luc is capable of running the speed of any car and lifting it as well. They check into a hotel room for safety where Luc has overheated and takes off his clothes, recharges h9mself, and packs himself in ice. The soldiers are not far behind and shoot up the hotel.
Victoria's crew has been killed, and she and Luc have been framed for their murder. While they are arrested and put on a prison transfer bus with police escorts, Andrew's memory as a psychotic Vietnam sergeant is re-triggered, he breaks loose, and runs the bus off the road. Luc returns to his parents, who assume he was dead. Andrew finds him and this leads to a climactic fight scene.
Jacko was the Energizer spokesperson during the brief US obsession with Australia in the late eighties. Ivan Drago was Dolph Lundgren's character in Rocky III.
There are a couple of other scenes covered in this next one...
Cracked #277, December 1992
w: Rich Kreigel (Lou Silverstone)
a: Walter Brogan
The hotel here is run by Norman Bates and his dead mother from Psycho. That's what you get when you have a hotel run by a guy and his mother in a movie.
An earlier fight scene ensues when they go to a diner and Luc keeps eating, but doesn't realize it costs money and confronts him, so he beats everyone up and trashes the place. They meet the doctor who developed the universal soldiers (Jerry Orbach) who figure out how he can be deprogrammed.
GUNFORGIVEN
Cracked #278, January 1993
w: Lou Silverstone
a: Walter Brogan
A prostitute's face was slashed when she made mocked a client, Quick Mike, for his small penis. The sheriff of the town, Little Bill (Gene Hackman) takes away his horse and that of his brother Davey Bunting as punishment. Her co-workers don't think this is punishment enough and have offered a bounty on the two of them. He has a strict no-gun policy in his town.
Elsewhere, a bounty hunter who calls himself “The Schofield Kid” (Jaimz Woolvett) aims to bring in the criminals and seeks the aid of Will Munny (Clint Eastwood), a famous bounty hunter, to help. Will is now retired from the game and raising children on his own, but realizes he must go back into it because he needs the money. Ned Logan (Morgan Freeman), another ex-bounty hunter is also recruited, and it is revealed the Kid can't see.
Clint Eastwood's child is supposed to be Macaulay Culkin. It took another reading to get that.
Back in Big Whiskey, the town run by Little Bill, English Bob (Richard Harris) has come in with his biographer W. W. Beauchamp (Saul Rubinek) seeking the bounty and telling tall tales. Little Bill can't tolerate everyone coming in and breaking the no-gun laws of his town, and kicks English Bob out. The trio of bounty hunters is about to enter.S
The L.A. Police joke refers to the Rodney King incident, a police brutality incident easily Googlable.
Our trio goes to the saloon in Big Whiskey. Not realizing Will's identity but correctly guessing that he wants the bounty, Bill confiscates his pistol and beats him. Ned and the Kid escape through a back window and take Will to an unoccupied barn outside of town,. After missing Davey (Rob Campbell) and hitting his horse, Ned falters and Will shoots Davey instead. Ned decides to quit. He's later captured and flogged to death by Little Bill to learn the whereabouts of Will and the Kid.
“Do you pick your feet in Poughkeepsie” was one of the questions used by Gene Hackman's character when gilling suspects in The French Connection
Will takes the Kid with him to the cowboys' ranch, directing him to ambush Quick Mike (David Mucci) in the outhouse and shoot him. After they escape, a distraught Kid drunkenly confesses he had never killed anyone before and hands the revolver over, saying that he no longer wants to be a killer. Will sends him back with the reward. That night, Will finds Ned's corpse displayed in a coffin outside Skinny's saloon as a warning to bounty hunters. Inside, Little Bill and his deputies are organizing a posse. Will walks in alone, brandishing a shotgun and kills Skinny for displaying Ned's corpse. He then takes aim at Little Bill, only for the shotgun to misfire. Will shouts threats as he mounts his horse and rides out of town. Then there's a prophetic title card.
STRICTLY ROMPER ROOM
Australian MAD #319, June 1993
w: Mark Juddery
a: Peter Wikinson
Mostly Australian month ends with two Australian movies most Americans have heard of, Strictly Ballroom and Romper Stomper, here mashed up.
Strictly Ballroom is about ballroom dancing hopeful Scott Hastings (Paul Mercurio) upsetting the community by doing his own moves and upsetting the community by ruining his chances of winning the championship with his own moves. Romper Stomper stars Hando (Russell Crowe), leader of a Neo-Nazi skinhead group and profiles their downfall.
Among the skinheads are Telly Savalas and Sinead O'Connor, who caused a scandal that year by “sucker punching” Saturday Night Live, when as musical guest she ended her act by tearing up a picture of the Pope on television without telling anyone in advance.
In Ballroom, Scott abandons his original dancing partner Liz (Gia Carides) in favor of Fran (Tara Morice), who appears to be a beginner but turns out to come from a long line of flamenco dancers.
The characters in Alien³ all have shaved heads as well. It has been nicknamed Skinheads in Space.
Another show from the US that wasn't parodied here but was in Australia. Dinosaurs was a sitcom conceived by Jim Henson but executed after his death. The characters were the Sinclair family consisting of Charlene (Sally Struthers), Fran (Jessica Walter), Earl (Stuart Pankin), Robbie (Jason Willinger), Baby (Kevin Clash), and Ethyl (Florence Stanley).
The grandmother looks like she's wearing Elmo slippers and Kevin Clash is also Elmo. Elmo wasn't the breakout character of Sesame Street yet so it's probably just my mind making up conspiracies.
Even though it wasn't done in any magazines here, there was a brief gag about it it on The Simpsons.
STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY (1991)
dir: Nicholas Meyer
STAR BLECCH VI: THE UNINSPIRED CONTINUATION
MAD Super Special #83. September 1992
w: Dick DeBartolo
a: Paul Coker, Jr.
The Enterprise is manned by James Kirk (William Shatner), Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy (DeForest Kelley), Spock (Leonard Nimoy), Lt. Uhura (Nichelle Nichols), Chekhov (Walter Koenig), and Scotty (James Doohan). Sulu (George Takei) is captain of the U.S.S. Excelsior. Valeris (Kim Cattrall) is the new helsman protege of Spock.
The Klingons are to make peace with Earthlings and join the United Federation of Planets and are set to diplomatically have dinner aboard the Enterprise, to the reluctance of Kirk, who distrusts Klingons for killing his son. They breaked bread with Klingon Chancellor Gorkon (David Warner) accompanied by his daughter Azetbur (Rosanna DeSoto) and Gen. Chang (Christopher Plummer). After the Klingons return, a torpedo fires at their ship.
All evidence points to the Enterprise having fired at the Klingons, Though they swear it wasn't them. Kirk and McCoy board the Klingon ship to investigate. McCoy tries to save the life of wounded Gorkon and fails. Kirk and McCoy are put on trial for his murder. All that's known is the assassins were wearing magnetic boots.
Kirk and McCoy lose a show trial and are sent to a penal colony. Another prisoner, Martia (Iman) seduces Kirk and makes plans to break them out, then turns out to be a shapeshifter that betrays them. They find out the Klingons sabotaged their own ship, aided by Valeris, to insure there would never be peace between Earthlings and Klingons. The crew must also prevent an assassination attempt at a peace conference to further absolve their guilt. Everyone lives long and prospers once again.
SISTER AXED
MAD #316, January 1993
w: Stan Hart
a: Mort Drucker
Deloris Van Cartier (Whoopi Goldberg) is a lounge singer in Reno, Nevada put in protection so she can testify agains Vinnie La Rocca (Harvey Keitel), a gangster who's a drug dealer and murderer, and also happens to be her boyfriend. She's placed in a church is San Francisco by Lt. Eddie Souther (Bill Nunn), posing as a nun. She doesn't get off to a good start with the Reverend Mother (Maggie Smith).
Vinnie won't leave his wife for Deloris, when she goes to break up with him, she witnesses him and his men (Robert Miranda, Richard Portnow) committing a murder and runs away. That's when she's put in the convent under protection.
The background of the splash panel has Sally Field as The Flying Nun
Deloris' new name is Mary Clarence and she's introduced to the other nuns. She doesn't like the new restrictions like having to sleep and wake up early or the meals she has to eat.
Caricatures galore on this page. Bing Crosby in Going My Way, Danny DeVito from Batman Returns, Don Novello as Father Guido Sarducci, Ingrid Bergman from The Belles of St. Mary, Eric Idle and Robbie Coltrane in Nuns on the Run. Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci are have been in several movies together, always playing Italian Catholics.
Mary Clarence goes to a biker bar across the street, and would be able to handle herself if not followed by other nuns (Kathy Najimy and Wendy Makkena are not drawn). She's caught and given the task of teaching the choir. She teaches them to sing pop songs, but changes the lyrics so they're about God, and they become a big sensation, drawing large crowds and attracting the Pope. The trial against the mob boss has meen moved up and she can leave, but now she doesn't want to since she has a good thing going. The Reverend Mother is going to quit, though.
Vinnie's goons have found out about her and are ready to take her back to Reno and kill her. The nuns all come and rescue her. Vinnie's hitmen can't bring themselves to shoot a nun but he will. He's shot be Eddie before he can and is taken into custody. The nuns all realize they'll have to do their show for the Pope with Deloris going back to her life but Deloris/Mary realizes the church is where she belongs.
