THE UNWATCHABLES

THE UNTOUCHABLES (1987)
dir: Brian DePalma

THE UNWATCHABLES
MAD #276, January 1988
w: Arnie Kogen
a: Angelo Torres

Loosely based on the TV series of the same name, which was loosely based on the true story of Al Capone, though unlike the TV series the movie goes back to the beginning and ended with Capone.

Al Capone (Robert DeNiro) is talking to the press about being an “executive” in Chicago while being waited on, telling how selling liquor during the prohibition is just giving the people what they want. Elliot Ness (Kevin Costner) is starting his first day on the job as a treasury agent, being seen off to work by his adoring wife (Patricia Clarkson). He pledges to be virtuous and becomes the laughingstock of his office when his first bust turns out to be a bust. Dejected and on a bridge he's almost arrested for littering and possessing a gun, until telling the cop, Malone (Sean Connery) that he's a treasury agent. Ness later visits Malone to help assemble a group to help bust Al Capone.

The scene of raiding Capone's warehouse only to find crates full of umbrellas mirrors a special later where Geraldo hyped opening Al Capone's vault live on national television only to reveal it was empty.

Malone is reluctant at first but finally gives in. Oscar Wallace (Charles Martin Smith) is an accountant looking at Capone's financial records and figures Capone can be nailed for income tax evasion if only Capone can by linked to any of his businesses. Ness and Malone need another gunman for their group and recruit George Stone (Andy Garcia) from the police academy.

There are all kinds of references to movies that featured Connery and DeNiro throughout. Never Say Never Again was Sean Connery's attempt at making a comeback as James Bond. There must have been some Taxi Driver joke in the last panel but they forgot to paste in the caption. The last panel also has Robert Stack, Elliott Ness in the TV series.

Al Capone vows revenge after reading about Elliott Ness and his men (scenes are taken out of order here). At a board meeting, he gives a speech comparing the teamwork of his syndicate to that of a baseball team. A team needs get rid of the dead weight which he demonstrates by clubbing their weakest link to death with a bat (see clip below). Ness forms a raid on the men who are smuggling liquor in from the Canadian border with the help of their Mounties. They all fight, Stone is shot in the melee, and that makes Wallace really mad. They catch Capone's bookkeeper and get him to become witness, but he and Wallace are killed in an elevator right before the trial.

Ness confronts Capone at the opera house because it's become personal and wants to fight man-to-man without bodyguards (The friend that he says was killed was Malone, who's holding him back in this parody. Al Capone's hitman Frank Nitti [Billy Drago] figures a lot more in the film and is responsible for almost all deaths, but is only drawn here). Another of Capone's bookkeepers (Jack Kehoe), who is about to turn witness, but is placed under protective custody by Capone. Malone has just been murdered and his last dying words are that he knows the bookkeeper will be at the train station. While Ness is looking out for him, he sees a woman struggling with bringing a baby carriage up the stairs and helps her, and while trying to balance a shootout and helping her at the same time, loses control of the carriage which is stopped in the nick of time, in a scene lifted from Battleship Potemkin. While Capone is on trial, Ness finds out everyone is on the take including the judge, and blackmails him with that knowledge.

From Recasting Famous Old Movies With Today's Famous Wrestlers by John Prete (John Ficarra) and Sam Viviano.

UNTOUCHY BULLS
Cracked #233, January 1988
w: Mort Todd
a: John Severin

At the beginning, a store that refuses to pay protection is blown up by Frank Nitti, with a girl inside the store. Dan Aykroyd was in Dragnet '87 that year, playing the role originated by Jack Webb.

A Chicago alderman (Del Close) attempts to bribe Elliott Ness and his staff. When Ness comes home one night, Frank Nitti is outside threatening his family.

During the trial, Frank Nitti hands Al Capone a note telling him Malone has been killed and the jury has been bribed. Elliott Ness sees this, knows Nitti is about to open fire, but can't get the bailiff to confiscate the gun because Nitti has a note with permission to carry it from the mayor. Nitti realized he's cornered and runs away. This leads to a fight on the rooftop.

Capone's lawyer is portrayed by Raymond Burr as Perry Mason in this.