A-Z GUIDE TO MOVIES AND TV SHOWS PARODIED BY MAD, CRACKED, CRAZY, ETC. UP TO 1996. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. SPOILERS AND OTHER NON-SEQUITURS, TOO. SOMETIMES THESE THINGS HAVE WORDS OR SITUATIONS WE DON'T USE ANYMORE. YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THEY'RE OLD.
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Thursday, March 31, 2022
INBANANA JONES AND HIS LAST CRUDE DAYS
INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE (1989)
dir: Steven Spielberg
INBANANA JONES AND HIS LAST CRUDE DAYS
MAD #291. December 1989
w: Dick DeBartolo
a: Mort Drucker
The prologue begins twenty years earlier with a younger Indiana Jones (River Phoenix) stealing a cross from the crooks who discovered it because he believes it should go to a museum. They chase him across the rooftops of a circus train, and he falls through one full of snakes, establishing his fear in the first Indiana Jones movie. He goes back home to tell his father of his good deed, who won't listen to him, foreshadowing their rocky relationship when they later reunite. The law catches up to Indy and makes him return the cross to its rightful owners, the robbers he outran. The head of the gang admires Indiana's moxie and bequeaths his panama hat, more establishing.
The main plot of the movie is Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) going on an adventure with his father Henry (Sean Connery). Indy hates being called Junior more than anything.
Having recovered the cross yet again in the present (the thirties, when this takes place) and given it to the museum owned by Marcus Brody (Denholm Elliott). He learns that his father went missing in Venice looking for the Holy Grail but left behind his diary. Indiana and Marcus go to Venice to find his father and the Grail and meet his father's co-worker Elsa Schneider (Alison Doody) there. Figuring out clues, he concludes the first place to start looking is under an X in the Venice Library. There are catacombs underneath, one of which has an inscription leading to the Holy Grail. They get chased and the water containing petroleum is set on fire, which they escape from through a manhole, and are chased further by boat through the rivers of Venice.
Indy and Dr. Schneider are being pursued by a secret society, but when he tells Kazim (Kevork Melikyan) that he's looking for his father and not the Grail, Kazim tells him Mr. Jones is in a castle in Austria. When they get there, he's reunited with his father and finds out Elsa is a Nazi (the fact that her name is Elsa should have tipped him off), and both Joneses are captured. While they try to escape, they end up setting the room on fire and it's revealed both have had sex with Elsa (the latter's not essential to the plot, just further establishes the friction between the two of them). Part of the diary is given to Marcus for safekeeping while he returns to the states, but he ends up being captured by Nazis. Indiana gets the diary back from the Nazis disguised as one of them while at a book-burning rally. Hitler is there signing autographs and grabs the diary from Indy. Indy, thinking he's been busted, gets the diary handed back to him by Hitler, who just thought it was an autograph book.
”walled Kurtheim castle” refers to Kurt Waldheim, a UN secretary-general who was revealed to have been in the Nazi party in his past.
With the map and the clues in the diary that reveal maps, clues, and obstacles, they're able to get to the Holy Grail. After an initial misstep in not using the Latin spelling of 'Jehovah', they get to a bunch of cups guarded by a knight who has been there since the Crusades. He has been kept alive by the Grail, which grants everlasting life to anyone who drinks from it. Walter Donovan (Julian Glover), a businessman from earlier who collects artifacts such as these and turns out to be a traitor to the Nazis, drinks from the wrong cup and immediately shrivels up. The real one is used on Henry, who had been shot earlier. Here, when he is revived he is drawn as his younger self as James Bond. They are warned not to leave with the Holy Grail or everything will crumble. Elsa tried to take it on behalf of the Nazis and that's what happens, but the Joneses leave in time.
Vanna White was letter-turner-arounder for Wheel of Fortune. The Exxon Valdez was the biggest oil spill up to that time.
Cover for the Brazilian edition. Juba & Lula was a kids' show down there.
Swedish version.
German one.
Australian one. I said in the sidebar, if anyone has scans or copies, I'll now post parodies of foreign shows and movies from other editions of MAD as long as they're in English.
WINDIANA BONES AND THE LOOT CRUSADE
Cracked #249, November 1989
w: Tony Frank (Lou Silverstone)
a: Walter Brogan
In the Mad parody, the patter about "the chalice from the palace", etc., on the warning sign next to Sir Steven of Spielberg, all comes from the Danny Kaye movie The Court Jester.
Talking of ancient relics, Cracked references the song "I Want a Girl Just Like the Girl That Married Dear Old Dad", one of the big hits of 1911.
In the Mad parody, the patter about "the chalice from the palace", etc., on the warning sign next to Sir Steven of Spielberg, all comes from the Danny Kaye movie The Court Jester.
ReplyDeleteTalking of ancient relics, Cracked references the song "I Want a Girl Just Like the Girl That Married Dear Old Dad", one of the big hits of 1911.