A-Z GUIDE TO MOVIES AND TV SHOWS PARODIED BY MAD, CRACKED, CRAZY, ETC. UP TO 1996. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. SPOILERS AND OTHER NON-SEQUITURS, TOO. SOMETIMES THESE THINGS HAVE WORDS OR SITUATIONS WE DON'T USE ANYMORE. YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THEY'RE OLD.
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RAUNCHY BUSINESS
MAD #246, April 1984
w: Stan Hart
a: Mort Drucker
From group of movies reviewed by Siskel and Ebert.
Back when there were dozens of teen movies every week and when Tom Cruise was still virtually unknown. This is about Joel Goodsen (Tom Cruise), a high school and future Princeton student who runs a prostitution ring while his parents are away on vacation.
Joel's best friend Miles (Curtis Armstrong) suggests he has fun while his parents are away and hires a prostitute for him.
The first prostitute turns out to be a guy in drag (Bruce Young), which he turns away. That was the joke because in the eighties, transphobia wasn't just a prejudice that would get you canceled, it was the norm. Later, he gets Lana (Rebecca DeMornay), who is just his type. Lana hides from her pimp Guido (Joe Pantaliano) and Joel lets her stay at his house while he's in school. That night, he finds she's let a friend stay there. He, Miles, and the girls are all chased by Guido, which results in Joel driving his father's car into the lake. He finds out he can't pay for it, so Lana suggests they bring in more prostiutes to have a party at his house, and during the party, a recruiter from Princeton shows up.
The next day after getting his father's car back, Joel comes home to find his house burglarized. Guido has taken everything from the house as payback for Joel and Lana stealing the women he “owns”. He's able to buy it all back and put it all back before his parents return home. Everything's exactly as it was,
except for a decorative egg. The Princeton recruiter was impressed by... something.
From Academy Awards for Teenage Movies in #258, October 1985, written by Arnie Kogen
Detective series about three guys who operate a detective agancy out of their boat. Cody Allen (Perry King) and Nick Ryder (Joe Penny) are the main guys who run it with Murray “Boz” Bozinzki (Thom Bray), a computer scientist, who invented a robot, The Roboz, to help them.
They are often at odds with Lt. Quinlan (Jack Ging).
REHASH OF THE JETI
MAD #242, October 1983
w: Dick DeBartolo
a: Mort Drucker
Apparently 5/4 is a big holiday in Star Wars-land. Get it? May fourth. As in “May fourth be with you”.
Which is why I moved this parody a few days to today.
I posted this cover before a couple years ago when I posted parodies of The A-Team (link on right), but I'm just following MAD's tradition of reprinting things a few years later.
The image of Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) in a bikini came from this, and would be a big thing on nerd porn if such a thing actually existed, and we all know it doesn't. Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew), Darth Vader (David Prowse/James Earl Jones), C-3PO (Anthony Daniels), R2D2 (Kenny Baker), Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), Yoda (Frank Oz), and Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) are all also back. The Muppets in the splash panel could be a refernce to Frank Oz, the Ewoks, or both.
The Death Star is being reconstructed while the Empire is working to eliminate the Rebel Alliance. C3P0 and R2D2 have been sent to rescue Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt, finding out through holo-message that they have been traded for him. Leia, disguised as a bounty hunter under the pretense of capturing Chewbacca, attempts to unfreeze Han.
The jar cropped in the third panel presumably says “may the sauce be with you”
Luke arrives in person to settle the whole thing, but is fed to a Rancor, which he fights and kills. Everyone is caught and as punishment, thrown to the Sarlac, a beast that has melded with the floor of the desert. Except for Leia, who becomes Jabba's concubine, where she's in a bikini, the image of which would be used in this non-existent nerd porn.
As they are lowered into the pit, Luke saves them all with a light saber that was hidden inside R2D2. Luke goes to Dagobah for his final lessons in Jedi training with Yoda. Yoda is dying but confirms that Darth Vader really is Luke's father, and he must face Vader again to defeat the Empire. The ghost of Obi-Wan (Alec Guiness) confronts Luke and tells him Leia is Luke's twin sister. Meanwhile, the Alliance has decided to get back at the Empire before they can construct a second Death Star.
As a battle plan is conceived with them all meeting on the moon of Endor. Leia, separated from them, is rescued by Ewoks. The others are kidnapped by other Ewoks. C3PO speaks their language but the Ewoks don't realize they're on the same side until...
...they think C3PO is a god. Luke reveals to Leia that they are siblings and he goes to the new Death Star to fight Darth Vader in front of the Emperor (Ian McDiarmid) who is trying to get Luke to join them on the dark side.
Luke defeats his father, Darth Vader, by cutting off his hand with a light saber. The Emperor still wants Luke to cross over and is electrocuting him to try and get him to. This is too much for Vader, who throws the Emperor down a reactor. Back on the moon of Endor, the Rebel Alliance attacks the Empire's Imperial forces and (not shown) they are attacked by Ewoks who come at them by surprise with only sticks and stones.
As Darth Vader's dying wish, he asks Luke to take off his mask. The battle against the Empire is won and the Death Star is destroyed once and for all. Han promises Leia he won't cockblock her and Luke but she says their courtship will never happen now that they're brother and sister, and he can have her now. Then everybody parties.
Here's what Luke had to say about the parody.
And what Don Martin had to say.
Here was the cover to the Swedish edition. Mr. T. must not have been known well enough there yet. I pity those fools. The joke's on them. I don't know who this guy is either. Looks a bit like Sean Connery, but with helmet hair. Jesse Ventura? G. Gordon Liddy? I'm gonna go with some Swedish guy.
This was Cracked's take.
RETURNS OF THE JED EYE
Cracked #198, November 1983
a: John Severin
A couple issues later, in #200, they did an article on George Lucas.
This was the cover for the German humor magazine Panic.
And the German humor magazine Stupid. The guy with the beer bottle looks like Sean Hannity, even though I know it's not.
TIN-RIN-RIN-TIN-RIN
Trump #1, January 1957
w: Harvey Kurtzman
a: Jack Davis
Childrens' show about Rusty (Lee Aker), an orphan boy, who's been adopted by Lieutenant Ripley Masters (James E. Brown) and their adventures at Fort Apache with his dog, Rin-Tin-Tin, who's been made a Private. Other cavalry soldiers included Sgt. Biff O' Hara (Joe Sawyer) and Randy Brooks (Rand Boone).
THE RIGHT STIFF
MAD #247, June 1984
w: Dick DeBartolo
a: Mort Drucker
Story of the first seven men into space, Chuck Yeager (Sam Shepard), Scott Carpenter (Charles Frank), Alan Shepard (Scott Glenn), Gus Grissom (Fred Ward), Wally Schirra (Lance Henriksen), Deke Stayton (Scott Paulin), Gordon Cooper (Dennis Quaid), and John Glenn (Ed Harris).
It starts with Chuck Yeager, an Air Force test pilot breaking the sound barrier in 1947.
The ape in the splash panel and throughout is Ham, the first being in space, and the book he's reading is Fear of Flying, a popular novel in the seventies.
The government has news about how the Russians have gone into space and have to beat them right away by sending a person into space. President Eisenhower (Robert Beer), then-Senator Johnson (Donald Moffatt), and Werner Von Braun (Scott Beach) try to figure out who to recruit for their space race. They think of acrobats, stuntmen, and settle on the military. First they recruit John Glenn as frontman for his prominence as a game show contestant.
The potential astronauts go through tests measuring their strength and stamina, and analyze their bodily fluids. After all their tests, they are ready to face the press.
Several attempts are made to launch the rockets before a person is put inside and all fail. Some of the astronauts fool around with women but John Glenn doesn't approve, They agree to stick together so they can have the upper hand.
Alan Shepard, the first person in space, has to pee. Meanwhile, the rest of the press has descended the Shepard house bothering his wife Louise (Kathy Baker). After they send Gus Grissom, the second man into space, he doesn't get quite the same fanfare to the chagrin of his wife Betty (Veronica Cartwright). The government has to catch up with the Russians by sending someone into orbit now and get John Glenn to do it. They don't think he'll make it back.
While all the astronauts are treated as heroes and being welcomed in Texas, where stripper Sally Rand does a fan dance for all of them. Yeager is at an Air Force base. The space program is over and Yeager wants to fly the highest altitude now. He crashes but survives.
John Glenn became a U.S. Senator. Reagan was ridiculed when he was running for President because he had been in a movie called Bedtime for Bonzo.
