REHASH OF THE JETI

RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983)
dir: Richard Marquand

REHASH OF THE JETI
MAD #242, October 1983
w: Dick DeBartolo
a: Mort Drucker

Apparently 5/4 is a big holiday in Star Wars-land. Get it? May fourth. As in “May fourth be with you”. Which is why I moved this parody a few days to today.

I posted this cover before a couple years ago when I posted parodies of The A-Team (link on right), but I'm just following MAD's tradition of reprinting things a few years later.

The image of Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) in a bikini came from this, and would be a big thing on nerd porn if such a thing actually existed, and we all know it doesn't. Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew), Darth Vader (David Prowse/James Earl Jones), C-3PO (Anthony Daniels), R2D2 (Kenny Baker), Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), Yoda (Frank Oz), and Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) are all also back. The Muppets in the splash panel could be a refernce to Frank Oz, the Ewoks, or both.

The Death Star is being reconstructed while the Empire is working to eliminate the Rebel Alliance. C3P0 and R2D2 have been sent to rescue Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt, finding out through holo-message that they have been traded for him. Leia, disguised as a bounty hunter under the pretense of capturing Chewbacca, attempts to unfreeze Han.

The jar cropped in the third panel presumably says “may the sauce be with you”

Luke arrives in person to settle the whole thing, but is fed to a Rancor, which he fights and kills. Everyone is caught and as punishment, thrown to the Sarlac, a beast that has melded with the floor of the desert. Except for Leia, who becomes Jabba's concubine, where she's in a bikini, the image of which would be used in this non-existent nerd porn.

As they are lowered into the pit, Luke saves them all with a light saber that was hidden inside R2D2. Luke goes to Dagobah for his final lessons in Jedi training with Yoda. Yoda is dying but confirms that Darth Vader really is Luke's father, and he must face Vader again to defeat the Empire. The ghost of Obi-Wan (Alec Guiness) confronts Luke and tells him Leia is Luke's twin sister. Meanwhile, the Alliance has decided to get back at the Empire before they can construct a second Death Star.

As a battle plan is conceived with them all meeting on the moon of Endor. Leia, separated from them, is rescued by Ewoks. The others are kidnapped by other Ewoks. C3PO speaks their language but the Ewoks don't realize they're on the same side until...

...they think C3PO is a god. Luke reveals to Leia that they are siblings and he goes to the new Death Star to fight Darth Vader in front of the Emperor (Ian McDiarmid) who is trying to get Luke to join them on the dark side.

Luke defeats his father, Darth Vader, by cutting off his hand with a light saber. The Emperor still wants Luke to cross over and is electrocuting him to try and get him to. This is too much for Vader, who throws the Emperor down a reactor. Back on the moon of Endor, the Rebel Alliance attacks the Empire's Imperial forces and (not shown) they are attacked by Ewoks who come at them by surprise with only sticks and stones.

As Darth Vader's dying wish, he asks Luke to take off his mask. The battle against the Empire is won and the Death Star is destroyed once and for all. Han promises Leia he won't cockblock her and Luke but she says their courtship will never happen now that they're brother and sister, and he can have her now. Then everybody parties.

Here's what Luke had to say about the parody.

And what Don Martin had to say.

Here was the cover to the Swedish edition. Mr. T. must not have been known well enough there yet. I pity those fools. The joke's on them. I don't know who this guy is either. Looks a bit like Sean Connery, but with helmet hair. Jesse Ventura? G. Gordon Liddy? I'm gonna go with some Swedish guy.

This was Cracked's take.

RETURNS OF THE JED EYE
Cracked #198, November 1983
a: John Severin

A couple issues later, in #200, they did an article on George Lucas.

This was the cover for the German humor magazine Panic.

And the German humor magazine Stupid. The guy with the beer bottle looks like Sean Hannity, even though I know it's not.