TALES FROM THE DORK SIDE

TALES FROM THE DARK SIDE: THE MOVIE (1990)
dir: John Harrison

TALES FROM THE DORK SIDE
Cracked Monster Party #24, Summer 1994
a: Walter Brogan

Another film that came and went and wasn't even that memorable when it came out, but I guess Cracked parodied because they had a spinoff magazine and needed content. Cracked Monster Party was all horror content that consisted of half new material and half reprints.

This was an anthology based on the TV series of the same name. Its framing story was that a woman (Debbie Harry) had a kid locked up in a dungeon in her kitchen that she was ready to eat that evening, and he begged to be let go if he could read her stories from a book he had.

In the first story, a student, Bellingham (Steve Buscemi) has a mummy in the house that he is using for a school project, disgusting his roommate (Christian Slater).

The mummy comes to life, killing his roommate's friend and sister (Julianne Moore). The roomate ties Bellingham up and tortures him by dismembering the mummy in front of him.

In the second story, a rich man hires a hitman (David Johnansen) to kill his cat. The rich man got that way by developing a pharmaceutical that he tested on other cats, and believes this cat is out to seek revenge. The hitman tries to get the cat but keeps failing. The story ends with the cat climbing into the hitman's mouth.

The last story involves a failed artist (James Remar) coming home from a bar and being attacked by a gargoyle. The gargoyle tells him not to tell anyone of what happened and he forgets about it. The artist goes home and meets a woman (Rae Dawn Chong). She knows someone that runs a gallery, and he becomes successful. They fall in love and marry, years later he confides in her that the night they met he saw a gargoyle. She turns out to be that gargoyle, awakened now that the artist has told someone about it.