A-Z GUIDE TO MOVIES AND TV SHOWS PARODIED BY MAD, CRACKED, CRAZY, ETC. UP TO 1996. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. SPOILERS AND OTHER NON-SEQUITURS, TOO. SOMETIMES THESE THINGS HAVE WORDS OR SITUATIONS WE DON'T USE ANYMORE. YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THEY'RE OLD.
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Saturday, November 18, 2023
THE THREE MASCOTEERS
THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1973)
dir: Richard Lester
THREE MASCOTEERS
Cracked #121, November 1974
a: John Severin
David Carradine, Tom Laughlin, and Lee Majors' characters are not in the movie.
D'Artagnan (Michael York) inadvertantly ends up insulting Athos (Oliver Reed), Porthos (Frank Finlay), and Aramis (Richard Chamberlain), The Three Musketeers, at different times when he first arrives in town, and must duel with them. They are attacked by the Cardinal's guards and he teams up with them temporarily. They are impressed with his swordsmanship and split the money they have taken with him. D'Artagnan finds lodging which he almost turms down until seeing that the elderly lady's wife Constance (Raquel Welch) is there.
It is Ron Ziegler, John Ehrlichman, and John Mitchell of the Nixon staff in the second panel
Though D'Artagnan has proven himself a worthy fighter, there's no room for him as a musketeer.
Meanwhile, the queen (Geraldine Chaplin) has confided her troubles in Constance, who asks d'Artagnan to go to England and retrieve the diamonds. D'Artagnan and the three musketeers set out. Planchet is played by Roy Kinnear.
On the way, the cardinal's men attack them. Only d'Artagnan and his servant make it through to Buckingham, where they discover the loss of two of the diamond settings. The duke (Simon Ward) replaces the two settings, and d'Artagnan races back to Paris. Porthos, Athos, and Aramis, wounded but not dead as d'Artagnan had feared, aid the delivery of the complete necklace to the queen, saving the royal couple from the embarrassment which the cardinal and Milady de Winter (Faye Dunaway) had plotted.
THE THREE DUNCE-KETEERS
Sick #101, December 1974
w: Fred Wolfe (Paul Laikin)
a: Jerry Grandenetti
Constance's husband is played by Spike Milligan.
The movie was remade in 1993 directed by Stephen Herek.
THE THREE MUSKE-TWITS (1993)
Cracked #289, May 1994
w: Andy Simmons
a: Walter Brogan
In this retelling, Aramis is Charlie Sheen, Keifer Sutherland is Athos, Oliver Platt is Porthos, and Chris O'Donnell is D'Artagnan.
Tim Curry is the Cardinal (hence the Rocky Horror joke), and Rebecca DeMornay is Milady DeWinter.
Julie Delpy was Constance, Gabrielle Anwar was Queen Anne.
Jack Kervorkian was a doctor in the 90s that invented a machine to make suicide easier. I've mentioned Lorena Bobbitt a million times, but if you didn't catch it before, she was the one who cut off her husband's penis,
This is the earliest parody posted so far, pre-dating any of these magazines or comics. The Three Must-Get-Theres was released in 1922.
This is a very minor point, but in the beginning of the first Cracked parody, I think that's H.R. Haldeman rather than Ron Zeigler.
ReplyDeleteThere was also a Three Musketeers parody in Eh! #2, though it doesn't seem to be based on any film or TV adaptation.
ReplyDelete