A-Z GUIDE TO MOVIES AND TV SHOWS PARODIED BY MAD, CRACKED, CRAZY, ETC. UP TO 1996. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. SPOILERS AND OTHER NON-SEQUITURS, TOO. SOMETIMES THESE THINGS HAVE WORDS OR SITUATIONS WE DON'T USE ANYMORE. YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THEY'RE OLD.
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Saturday, May 21, 2022
KINDERGARTEN PAP
KINDERGARTEN COP (1990)
dir: Ivan Reitman
KINDERGARTEN PAP
Cracked #263, July 1991
w: Vic Bianco (Lou Silverstone)
a: John Severin
This begins with the reason for the whole story. Cullen Crisp (Richard Tyson) is a drug dealer the police are after. John Kimble has caught him but doesn't have sufficient enough evidence to convict him and has to let him go. His girlfriend is a credible witness but won't talk.
Crisp is on his way up to Astoria, Oregon to reclaim his 6-year-old son, and detectives John Kimble (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and Phoebe O'Hara (Pamela Reed) go up there posing as a kindergarten teacher and her brother to stop Crisp before he gets to his son and ex-wife Joyce (Penelope Ann Miller) who's started a new life there as a teacher.
Phoebe becomes sick so John has to take his place teaching. He's inexperienced with both teaching and children and initially can't control the class. The principal is played by Linda Hunt, but is drawn here as Dr, Ruth Westheimer. John first narrows down the suspects by asking the students to tell the class what their father does for a living. There's a student that's always saying “boys have penises, girls have vaginas”
While putting the kids down for a nap, he gets to know Joyce and they start a relationship. He accidentally walks in on Phoebe and her fiance, a gourmet cook, in bed. John's students start to like him when he starts acting like a police officer.
John originally had Phoebe posing as his Austrian sister while she tries to nudge him and Joyce together, and they finally have to confess to Joyce who they really are. Her ex-husband and his mother (Carroll Baker) are in town and Joyce is in danger.
Crisp sets the school on fire as a distraction so he can get his son Dominic (Christian & Joseph Cousins). Crisp's mother hits Phoebe with her car. Kimble and Crisp meet in the abandoned school. When it looks like Kimble is doomed, his pet ferret, which he didn't know was loose, bites Crisp and disarms him.
Phoebe comes out of nowhere and hits Crisp's mother in retaliation for being hit. Kimble has been shot badly and has to go to the hospital but when he gets better he returns to teaching and marries Joyce.
MAD also did their take in MAD Video Reviews in #304, July 1991, by Stan Hart and Sam Viviano
According to Mark Howard's book on Cracked, Vic Bianco was one of Lou Silverstone's pseudonyms, along with Tony Frank (which you know) and Rich Kreigel.
According to Mark Howard's book on Cracked, Vic Bianco was one of Lou Silverstone's pseudonyms, along with Tony Frank (which you know) and Rich Kreigel.
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