A-Z GUIDE TO MOVIES AND TV SHOWS PARODIED BY MAD, CRACKED, CRAZY, ETC. UP TO 1996. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. SPOILERS AND OTHER NON-SEQUITURS, TOO. SOMETIMES THESE THINGS HAVE WORDS OR SITUATIONS WE DON'T USE ANYMORE. YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THEY'RE OLD.
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Thursday, June 16, 2022
LOST ACTION HERO
THE LAST ACTION HERO
dir: John McTiernan
LOST ACTION HERO
Cracked #285, November 1993
w: Lou Silverstone
a: Walt Brogan
Jack Slater (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is fighting The Ripper (Tom Noonan), who is holding his son for ranson on a rooftop. This is in a Jack Slater movie being watched by Danny Madigan (Austin O'Brien) at a Times Square theater. His friend Nick the projectionist (Robert Prosky) gives him a ticket for a special screening of the next Jack Slater movie. At school, he watches Hamlet and imagines Hamlet is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The ticket is magic and when Danny watches the latest Jack Slater movie, he gets sucked into the screen into the movie. Danny keeps trying to tell him, but Jack Slater won't believe he's in a movie. Jack reports to work at the police precinct where his lieutenant (Frank McRae) is a boss who doesn't exist in real life and yells at him incoherently. Danny knows that Slater's co-worker will double-cross him because he recognizes the actor, F. Murray Abraham, from other movies.
Jack lets Danny tag along with him and takes him home where his daughter Whitney (Bridgette Wilson) is waiting, and she kisses Danny as soon as she comes through the door as some sort of high school club initiation, hinking he's someone else. Benedict (Charles Dance), hitman for gangster Vivaldi (Anthony Quinn), and his men break into Jack's house. Benedeict has a different set of glass eyes. Vivaldi is called “Zorbaldi” after Quinn's most famous role. This being a movie, Whitney is a skilled fighter herself.
Danny and Jack figure out Vivaldi's plan to kill a rival mob by stuffing the body at a funeral with explosives. At the funeral, Jack pretends to be a mourner discovering the body is still alive and must be rushed to a hospital, which he uses as a way to remove the body away from the crowd. The funeral is on the rooftop of a hotel, and Danny has figured a way to remove the body with a crane. Meanwhile, Benedict has found the ticket and is using in to get to the real world.
Looks like Al Pacino and Paul Sorvino at the funeral
Danny and Jack chase Benedict into the real New York City. Benedict's plan is to have Arnold Schwarzenegger killed so there will be no more Jack Slater. At the premiere of the Jack Slater movie they were all in, Benedict has gotten Ripper from the movies to do this but this is thwarted by Slater. This all goes back to where we begun, but this time Ripper is holding Danny for ransom on a rainy New York City rooftop. Ripper is electrocuted by the wires and Slater saves Danny from a ledge. He is badly wounded but Danny manages to send him back to movie reality where injuries like this aren't real.
I think the guys on the far right of the splash panel are meant to be Chevy Chase and Michael Douglas.
ReplyDeleteOn page 4, in panel 4, I think that's Michael J. Fox saying his career is dead.
At the beginning of page 5, they mention the name Archie Leach, which was the birth name of Cary Grant.