THE "SAM PEBBLES"

THE SAND PEBBLES (1966)
dir: Robert Wise

THE “SAM PEBBLES”
MAD #117, March 1968
w: Stan Hart
a: Mort Drucker

Though you can usually tell from my write-ups whether I've seen a movie or not, I'll make an announcement again that this is another movie I have no desire to see. Thank goodness for Wikipedia.

In 1926, Petty officer, first class Jake Holman (Steve McQueen) transfers to the Yangtze River Patrol gunboat USS San Pablo. The ship is nicknamed the "Sand Pebble" and its sailors are "Sand Pebbles". The crew hires “coolies” to do most of the work. Holman, as chief Machinist's Mate, takes hands-on responsibility for the operation and maintenance of the ship's engine, upsetting the head engine room worker, Chien (Tommy Lee). Holman also earns the antipathy of most of his fellow sailors, but becomes close friends with Frenchy (Richard Attenborough), a seasoned yet sensitive sailor.

While the ship is on patrol, Holman discovers a problem with the engine. He wants to stop for repairs, but the captain, Lieutenant Collins (Richard Crenna), refuses until executive officer Bordelles (Charles Robinson) declares a mechanical emergency. Holman acquiesces when Chien insists on making the repairs, allowing Chien to save face. Chien is killed when the locked engine slips into gear and chief worker Lop-eye Shing blames Holman. Holman selects Po-Han to take on Chien's work; in time, the two become friends.

Po-Han (Mako Iwamatsu) is harassed by bullying sailor, Stawski (Simon Oakland). A boxing match ensues with crewmen placing bets. Holman is in the corner of his friend Po-Han, who, despite being badly beaten by Stawski, eventually prevails. His victory creates more friction between Holman and the crew. Upon receiving news regarding an incident involving British gunboats, Collins orders the crew not to return any fire from the Chinese, to avoid a diplomatic incident. Lop-eye Shing purposely sends Po-Han ashore, where a mob captures and slowly tortures him in full view of the crew. When Collins is unable to buy Po-Han's release, Po-Han begs for someone to kill him; Holman disobeys orders and shoots his friend. The San Pablo remains moored on the Xiang River at Changsha, due to low water levels, through the winter of 1926–27. Increasingly hostile crowds surround it in numerous smaller boats. Lt Collins also fears a mutiny.

Frenchy has saved an educated Chinese woman, Maily (Marayat Andriane), from prostitution by paying her debts. He marries her and regularly swims ashore to see her, but dies of pneumonia during a visit. The next morning, Holman finds Maily by Frenchy's corpse. Chinese men burst in, beat Holman, and kill Maily, framing Holman. The Chinese demand Holman be turned over as the "murderer" of Maily. When the demand is rejected, the Chinese blockade the gunboat. Fearing for their safety, the crew demands that Holman surrender to the Chinese. Collins restores order by firing a Lewis gun across the bow of one Chinese sampan.In the spring, the crew restarts river patrols, but the Nanking Incident results in orders to return to the coast. Collins disobeys and travels upstream of Dongting Lake to evacuate idealistic, anti-imperialist missionary Jameson and his schoolteacher assistant, Shirley Eckert (Candice Bergen), from a remote mission. Holman and Eckert met months earlier in Hangkow and developed romantic feelings.

The San Pablo must break through a boom of roped-together junks blocking the river. A team is sent to cut the rope. Fighting breaks out and twelve US crewmen and many Chinese are killed. Holman chops through the rope while under fire. He kills a young Chinese militiaman who attacks him, then recognizes him as a friend of Jameson and Eckert. Once free, the ship continues upriver. Collins leads Holman, Crosley, and Bronson ashore. Jameson refuses rescue, claiming that he and Eckert have renounced their US citizenship. Collins orders Holman to forcibly remove Eckert and Jameson, but Holman declares he is staying with them. Nationalist soldiers suddenly attack, killing Jameson. Collins orders the patrol to take Eckert to the ship, and remains behind to provide cover fire. Collins is killed, leaving Holman in command. Before parting, Holman and Eckert declare their love, with Holman promising to follow her shortly. Holman kills a dozen soldiers but is fatally shot as he is about to rejoin the others. His last bewildered words are, "I was home. What happened. What the hell happened?" Eckert and the remaining two sailors reach the ship, and the San Pablo sails away.