BATTLE FOR KEEPS OF THE NETWORK STARS

BATTLE OF THE NETWORK STARS
ABC 1976-1988

BATTLE FOR KEEPS OF THE NETWORK STARS
Crazy #75, June 1981
w: Murad Gumen
a: Kent Gamble


Not a weekly or daily series but an occasional series of specials where the actors on the current hit shows participated in a series of sports events representing whatever network they were on. Opportunity by writers and artists to parody a show without having to follow any premise, just make up names and draw caricatures. Interesting look at the shows that were airing forty years ago, some still in syndication, some flash-in-the-pans, and memory porn for people my age.

Caitlyn Jenner, in her former dead personality of Olympic athlete Bruce, hosts a fight between Cathy Lee Crosby (That's Incredible), The Incredible Hulk, and Twiki (Buck Rogers in the 25th Century). And I don't get the crack about the Hulk's brass knuckles. The CBS team is represented by Ken Howard (The White Shadow), Tom Mason and Hector Elizondo of Freebie and the Bean, and Sonny Shroyer of Enos.

I'm only using clips from shows that won't be parodied later.

Another team has Erik Estrada and Larry Wilcox from CHiPs vs. Robert Urich (Dan Tanner, Vega$) and Robert Wagner & Stephanie Powers (Hart to Hart). The CBS team also has Tom Selleck of Magnum, P.I.. The NBC coach is Jack Klugman (Quincy, ME).

The category of mud wrestling includes the cast of Charlie's Angels, Suzanne Somers (Three's Company), Loni Anderson (WKRP in Cincinatti), Valerie Bertinelli (One Day at a Time), Sara Purcell (Real People), Marie Osmond, and Charlotte Rae (Facts of Life). The joke is that Ms. Rae is middle-aged and frumpy.

Henry Winkler (Fonz, Happy Days) is the ABC coach. In the background are Norman Fell (Three's Company, The Ropers) and I'm not sure who the woman is supposed to be. Next is a battle of the wits with Robin Williams (Mork and Mindy) and Tim Conway.
The cream pie fight is between ABC, coached by the Fonz, featuring Hal Linden (Barney Miller), Joyce DeWitt (Three's Company), Robert Guillalme (Benson), Judd Hirsch (Taxi), Penny Marshall & Cindy Williams (Laverne & Shirley) and Danny Thomas (I'm a Big Girl Now).

CBS, coached by Ken Howard, has Harry Morgan and Alan Alda (M*A*S*H), Bonnie Franklin (One Day at a Time), Howard Hesseman (WKRP in Cincinatti), Carroll O'Connor (Archie Bunker's Place), Sherman Hemsley (The Jeffersons), and Polly Holiday (Flo).

NBC, coached by Jack Klugman, only has Gary Coleman of Diff'rent Strokes. That year, it was the only hit show NBC had.

Some people here are called by the actors' names, some by their characters.

Doing the force-feeding are Walter Cronkite, Ed McMahon, and Howard Cosell. The victims are Tom Bosley (Howard “Mr. C.” Cunningham, Happy Days), Sorrell Booke (Boss Hogg, The Dukes of Hazzard), and Boomer (Here's Boomer).

In the final event are Gil Gerard (Buck Rogers), Michael Landon (Little House on the Prarie. He also did Kodak commercials). Tom Wopat and John Schneider (Dukes of Hazzard), Ralph Waite (The Waltons), Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaise (Fantasy Island).

All kinds of other celebrities are brought in, not all of whom I can identify. Some because of my own ignorance, some because the caricatures aren't very good. I recognize Mike Wallace, Dick Van Patten, Martin Balsam, and Jon Davidson. I think the bald guy is Pernell Roberts from Trapper John, MD. The guy with the arrow in his head looks like John Travolta but he was no longer on TV by then.

In the end, this was compared to how the Romans watched Christians battle lions.

Saturday Night Live did a spot showing the real reason shows like this existed.
UPDATE:

THE NETWORK ALL-STAR BATTLE OF THE CHALLENGING CELEBRITY SUPERSTARS
Bananas #40, c. 1980
w: Jovial Bob Stine
a: Samuel B. Whitehead

The host in this one is Ed McMahon and the contestants are Suzanne Somers of Three's Company and Adrienne Barbeau. She wasn't in any TV series when this parody was written, but she has been on Maude until two years earlier.

Representing NBC was Robert Conrad, who also didn't have a show at the time. He was best known for Eveready commercials, where he would but a battery on his shoulder as if challenging them to a fight (see below). Here Caitlyn (who was then Bruce) Jenner is moderating a race.

Now Jenner is moderating a basketball game. It looks like Ken Howard of The White Shadow's teammates look like Mike Wallace and Walter Cronkite. Fred Silverman is at the scoreboard bemoaning how NBC is always in last place. In the next to last panel, being hit by a volleyball is Mr. Gumby from Monty Python.

Sorry I have no more room to tag anything else so all the new things I just added won't show up in any searches.