BUTTMAN RETURNS

BATMAN RETURNS (1992)
dir: Tim Burton

MAD #314, October 1992
w: Stan Hart
a: Mort Drucker

The movie begins with the origin of the Penguin, whose parents threw in the river as a baby rather raise a deformed child. He grew up in the sewers and wouldn't resurface until 35 years later.

Meanwhile Selina Kyle is secretary to Max Schreck (Christopher Walken, named for the actor of the silent film Nosferatu), owner of Gotham City's biggest department store and benefactor to the city on Christmas. They totally blew it not punning his name. MAD of all places had the perfect opportunity to say “Max Schlock” or “Max Schmuck”.

(Anita Hill was a clerk for judge Clarence Thomas who revealed she was sexually harassed by him when he was being confirmed for Supreme Court and wasn't taken seriously.)

During Christmas ceremony, a “trojan” present descends upon the city, which is full of Penguin's gang terrorizing the city. This makes Commissioner Gordon summon Batman.

Schreck runs away from the melee and falls through a trap door, and comes to in Penguin's lair, the sewer of an arctic-themed zoo. Penguin knows of Schreck's murderous past and asks for a favor. He won't tell on the condition he's allowed back on the surface and Schreck will help find his parents.

The fact that he has missing parents makes him sympathetic to the public.

Not in the parody: Selina runs down with the notes Schreck forgot. While Batman is saving the city he saves her and when she thanks him, he walks away dismissively. This is called exposition.

Selina goes back home alone, where she left an answering machine reminding herself to come back to work. I guess the only reason she came back home in the first place was it was the only way to show how she lived.

At work, Selina sees that the notes are what everyone thinks will be a power plant but is actually a capacitator that will take energy from the city rather than produce it. She threatens to go public with it, and since she knows too much, Schreck pushes her out a window, and she is revived by cats. This is the origin of Catwoman.
Now empowered and given nine lives, Catwoman prowls the city and stops a mugging.

Meanwhile, Schreck grooms Penguin to be the next mayor so he can get his power plant.

Penguin goes back upstairs to his home/office headquarters and finds Catwoman on his bed proposing to form an alliance to help make Batman look bad after losing a fight with him. He complies hoping for sexual favors down the road.

Later, Bruce runs into Selina in town and invites her over to watch the Christmas Tree lighting on TV. They make out but realize they can't go any further or they'll see the wounds they gave each other and give away their identities. Unbeknownst to each other, they've been simultaneously fight-flirting in their costumed personas.

Batman sees on TV that the Ice Princess has been kidnapped before the ceremony and the kidnapper has left behind a telltale batarang. Realizing he has been framed, Bruce excuses himself. After he leaves, she also leaves. Penguin and his gang rewire the Batmobile to go out of control as part of the set-up. Catwoman and Penguin catch Batman's eye with a captured Ice Princess (Christi Conaway), then push her off the roof and make it look like he did it. At a costume ball hosted by Max Schreck, Bruce runs into Selina again and he realizes she's Catwoman because of something she says (though here it's the other way around).

Penguin tells of his plan to henchmen to kidnap first born of every native of Gotham City, In a scene out of order, he's giving a mayoral speech which is jammed by Bruce and Alfred (Michael Gough) with a recording Bruce made of Penguin back when he was controlling the Batmobile, talking about what he really thinks of the city, exposing him Access Hollywood-style. Max Schreck sacrifices himself for his son when Penguin attempts to capture all the children. After he's caged and brought down to the lair, he escapes and is rescued by Catwoman, who reveals her identity to him before electrocuting them both and killing Schreck.

Batman watches this all amidst explosions, Penguin resurfaces after being thought dead, then dies. Then it turns out The Joker had been writing the screenplay all along.

Monthly magazines are generally dated three months in advance and the articles are done more than two months (or more) before that, so there's no way anyone there could possibly see movies to coincide with their release, so to justify Batman on the cover, Cracked had Don Martin do a few strips about the dark knight for issue #274.

Then a couple issues after that in #276, they did a real parody.

BATTYMAN RETURN
Cracked #276, November 1992
w: Lou Silverstone
a: Walter Brogan

The Penguin's father looks like Pee-Wee Herman because Paul Reubens played him. He and Tim Burton both mutually started each other's careers.

In the far lower left of the splash page is Vincent Schiavelli, who was one of the Penguin's henchmen.

Penguin's real name, Oswald Cobblepot, is used here.

I summarized the plot in the MAD parody, so I think you'll be able to follow with this.

(Vice-President Dan Quayle was given grief for not spelling 'potato' correctly.)

The Penguin's vehicles in his lair are shaped like giant birds.

This is how they portray Catwoman and Batman revealing themselves to each other before she dies. Selina electrocutes Schreck in the name of feminism. In the parody. Penguin has a secret identity, and reveals himself to really be Robin. The “Holy Megabucks” refers to an exclamation they always repeated on the Batman TV show.
UPDATE:
From Cracked #274, September 1992

Pee-Wee Herman ended the peak of his career by exposing himself in an adult theater. Interestingly, his first movie was directed by Tim Burton, who made the first two Batman movies. The psychiatrist here is supposed to be Dr. Joyce Brothers.

Bruce Wayne would later go to a psychiatrist in the movie after this.

In the third panel he is watching Columbo.

Also from that issue:

Cover to the Brazilian edition

The Swedish cover is the same as the American one, but the barber has been changed to Santa Claus.

Australian cover.